The Wiz In Me

I hope you can forgive me. I hope you can let it slide. I hope you can see past my mistakes and understand that I may have been blinded by homegrown biases and mainstream media attention. You see, I’ve been lying to you. I’ve been telling you for some time about the shambles that is Kansas City professional sports. I’ve been using this space as a platform to get the powers that be to change their ways, open their wallets, use their heads and bring us a winner. My focus all this time has been on two major teams and their performance in two major sports – football and baseball. And I’ve been so focused on my love for and frustration with these two teams, that I failed to notice that we do indeed have a team right here in KC that competes at the highest level in their sport. That’s right, it’s time for me to get behind the Kansas City Wizards.

“Who’s that?” you say? “The Kansas City Wizards?” No, the Wiz are not a new NBA or NHL franchise that you have never heard of. Neither are they champions at Dungeons and Dragons, though with a name like the Wizards, you might expect to see them in the next Harry Potter novel. The Kansas City Wizards play football. Or, more accurately, the Kansas City Wizards play futbol, and apparently, very well. Yes, the Kansas City Wizards, or the Wiz as they are called by the locals, are one of the stronger members of MLS – Major League Soccer.

Now, forgive me if I don’t know all the facts surrounding this team. In fact, forgive me if all I know about the Wizards is as follows: They play at Arrowhead Stadium; they once had former U.S. National Team goalie Tony Meola guarding their net; they are owned by the same family – the Hunt’s – that own the Chiefs; and they may have one a league championship in the last five years. I think I remember hearing that. I don’t know the names of the players. I don’t know how often they play. I don’t have any idea how long the season lasts or how much a ticket costs. But, here’s what I do know: they are competitive – pretty good, even – at the sport most loved by the vast majority of the world.

I don’t want to get into the whole soccer versus football debate. Though I admire the ability and stamina of soccer players, as a spectator, I prefer American rules football. I just do and that will most likely never change. I grew up before the massive boom in youth soccer leagues in the United States. Not much before, but early enough that when I played soccer in 2nd and 3rd grade, I still wore those double layer mesh jerseys – blue on one side and red on the other. No numbers. No sponsors. No piping or matching shorts. Every team had at least one kid that wore jeans to the games. Husky kids were defenders, fast kids were attackers. That’s about all I remember, except how boring it was to be the goalie against a team that you were creaming. Man, I could kick at dandelions with the best of them, waiting for the action to come my way. But, suffice it to say, in my two or three years of soccer at Holcolm Park, I never really picked up all the rules and definitely never fell in love with soccer.

But, all that’s about to change. I’m ready to join the billions of soccer fans around the world. I’m not necessarily giving up my standard sports, but I think I have room to add another team to my stable – especially if that team is actually capable of winning. And, why not? The Wiz are from Kansas City and I live in the Kansas City area. The Wiz play a professional sport and I love to watch professional sports. The Wiz ownership seem interested in more than just fleecing Kansas City and stuffing their pockets, and I’m tired of being fleeced and seeing my money go to people that already have enough money to buy small countries. Plus, their name is the Wiz! How can you beat that? I know it’s a play on the Wizard of Oz and all that, but the funny punch lines and slogans with a name like the Wiz are absolutely boundless – especially when another team in the league is the Fire and one of the major sponsors of MLS is Budweiser. You just can’t make that stuff up!

So, I’m jumping on the bandwagon – and it’s the perfect time to do it. The Wiz just had three players named to the 23-man U.S. World Cup team. That’s pretty impressive. I hear that they employ one of the best five or six players in the league – Eddie Johnson. Soccer is about to hit one of it’s peaks with World Cup play about to begin. And, best of all, the Wiz have “Kansas City” on the front of their jerseys. They are my hometown team and they actually have a shot at playing for a title. Not a Royals kind of shot where management tells you they are planning to be competitive in the next five years. Not an NFL kind of shot where every team has potential, but every fan can see the obvious flaws. The Kansas City Wizards could win the MLS title this year and no one inside the soccer community would be all that shocked. They are good! That’s something that has been missing from my professional sports watching life! "But wait," you say, "the Wiz is owned by the Hunts and you blast the Hunts for their dealings with the Chiefs!" Am I a hypocrite? Nope. The key here is that Clark Hunt, who runs the Wizards, is actually interested in Major League Soccer. He wants to be instrumental in the development of that league the same way his father was instrumental in the rise of the NFL. Simply put, ownership cares about the Wiz.

So, the Wiz can count me in. What can I do to help? Do I need to buy my own shin guards? Do you need someone that can shout “GOAAAAAAAAAAL!” at the top of his lungs? How about one of those crazy streakers running up and down the field with some internet gambling web-address tattooed on his back? I know I can contribute. Here are some slogans I’ve already come up with.

This Wiz is brought to you buy [fill in the blank of beverage sponsor]! (Okay, I may have stolen this one.)

Kansas City Wizards soccer. You’ve never had a Wiz like this.

Coming soon the Truman Sports Complex – an actual, real-life, not made up championship trophy!

See? I’m ready to roll!

The Race for 63! The Glass family is mad. Really mad. They expect results. They want to see some wins. They are going to make some changes. Great. After another long losing streak and coming within a game of the worst road start ever by a Major League Baseball team, there is an excellent chance that current G.M. Allard Baird will be fired this week. And I support that move. Baird’s original three-year plan is in year six. He’s not proven that he can evaluate talent and the Royals need to score big with the number one pick in the draft this year (and probably next year, too!). So, I agree that Baird’s time is up in Kansas City, no matter how much the local sports radio guys like him. But, if the Glass family really believes that this move is going to change the direction of the team, they’ve been up too late slashing prices at Wal-Mart. Until the mindset of the ownership group changes – or the ownership group itself changes – and we have an owner that isn’t trying to turn a profit, this team will continue to flounder. Running a Major League Baseball team is not about making money. It’s a community service. Spend some of that Wal-Mart cash to put a winner on the field and gate receipts, television deals and apparel sales will all increase. If you don’t understand that, sell the team. Current record: 7-22. Projected record: 40-122.